“It’s going to be more of a test for you than her,” my mom cautioned when I announced that I would have to travel abroad for work. The idea of travelling, for work or pleasure, had always been associated with excitement and a sense of discovery. However, when I was informed of an impending travel to Warsaw (my first ever visit to the city), I felt a sense of fear and anxiety descend. How will Meher take me not being there? How will she cope? In her one and a half years, there hadn’t been a single night that I wasn’t by her side.

It had been over four months since I had joined work when the travel mandate came up, thankfully for two days only. Meher had just gotten used to saying“Mumma, office,” and now I would have to explain to her “Mumma, tour”. It was an important work trip, more so as it was my first since joining back and in the role I have since come to occupy. So, in the normal course, I would have attributed all apprehensions to everything new and first. But as parents, we become accostumed to constantly anticipate and provide for the needs and wants of our children. Every decision in the past year and a half seems to either stem from or lead to my daughter’s well-being. So, I saw the upcoming visit through the same prism.

A trip abroad, to a new city and country, invariably would mean looking up places to see, eat and experience to get a flavour before the actual visit. But this time, between preparing the files and folders and organising Meher’s meals, schedule and covering for all possible exigencies, I found myself exhausted even before the journey began. The usual ritual of catching a movie on a flight, gave way to looking around and wondering what Meher would be up to. Would she be missing me? I left her sleeping early in the morning. When she wakes up, she would look for me. Seeing a three-year old girl talking animately to her mother seated next to her, I felt a pang of emptiness. How Meher would have run up and down the aisle! Separation anxiety is clearly not confined to infants and toddlers.

The arrival in Warsaw jolted me back to reality and the work at hand. As we drove from the airport to the city center, I sensed the excitement slowly creeping in. Work trips allow you only a bird’s eye view of any place, mostly from the cars and meeting room windows. What struck me first about Warsaw was its green spaces, wide roads, and co-existence of the old and new.

As I entered the hotel room all groggy, before heading to the meeting of the day, I first dialled home. Seeing Meher after almost sixteen hours brought me back to life. She simply said “Hi Mumma,” and went back to her evening routine of getting ready for the park. Maybe she was doing fine, after all. Sleep deprived, but feeling relieved having seen her, I turned to the meeting at hand, for it was only afternoon.

It’s no surprise that Warsaw is one of Europe’s greenest capitals. You can tell about a city by its public spaces and in the case of Warsaw, it’s about nature, music and family. An autumn visit allows you to walk through the parks late in the evening. Strolling through the Royal Baths Park, I found myself wanting to have Meher with me to run and enjoy the space. How she would love the water or “Wavee” as she calls it, all around! I wanted to dial her, but with my boss by my side, decided to take photos to show Meher instead.

The night is when the calm descends. Living near the Historic City Centre of Warsaw, a UNESCO World Heritage Site, I decided to push myself for walk in the dark for the next day would be spent in yet other meeting rooms. With the colourful buildings as the backdrop, the bustling cafes and restaurants juxtaposed against the Vistula River quietly making its presence felt and, the city centre, which has been restored to its old time glory, reminisces the lived history of the city.

As a tourist it is hard to miss souvenier shops. For me, the touristy pilgrimage had always been to buy a fridge magnate, for both my husband and I are not collectors, albeit this very cliched idea. But this time around, I ventured in sections I had never thought. What can I buy for Meher? What would she like? How can it be something unique from Poland? It doesn’t take much effort to identify Pierogi (traditional dumplings offered in sweet and savoury options) as the reigning queen. Stuff toys, t-shirts and knick-knacks all have its imprint.

Warsaw is a city that reminds you of the cities of western Europe but with Soviet-style grandeur. The Palace of Culture and Science is hard to miss, as is the politics around it. The history of the city is equally fascinating. The city traces its origin to the 9^th century from where it emerged as the capital of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth to regaining its status after World War I only to be demolished in World War II. The old and new today complement each other, making the city warm and inviting. Cities with history have a way of speaking to you – they whisper the past while beckoning the future. It’s not an escape from the present, but a reassurance of our place in the larger scheme of things.

The following day was spent shuttling between buidlings, with strong winds and overcast skies, making stepping out daunting. In the intermittent gaps, I had managed to call home and check on Meher. Not once did she cry on the video call. And with that my time in the city was up. On the last night, Meher turned to the camera and said, “Mumma, godhi (pick me up)”.  I had missed her no doubt, but with that one phrase she said “I miss you too”.  But I also realised what was unsaid – that we both accepted that this too would be part of our journey together.

So yes, my mom’s words were prophetic indeed. The trip was a test, but one where much like how Warsaw had resurrected itself like a pheonix, I came  to accept my new self – one who enjoys work and travel, even if away from the child.